Straight up keepin it real wit Jesus.

At the moment I'm between deities, going through something that most young people go through. I'm not sure exactly what I believe, so I've tossed religion aside. I still pray, because I believe in God. Maybe I'm not exactly sure what kind of God I believe in, so it's hard to make any kind of commitment.

But my spiritual issues aside, these doubts rose up in me years ago. In high school, I truly wanted to leave religion behind. It started when the music changed at high school mass and Christian retreat leaders started using odd tactics to reach us. Looking back, the reason was stupid, but it's something that still bothers me today.

Why do people want their religion to be cool? Why are mostly wise religious leaders who've spent their lives reading and teaching doctrine regressed into MTV VJs? I know I'm not the only one who realizes how this cheapens spirituality.

There are so many definitions of cool that it could easily be twisted into a word you could use about religion, but I'd prefer not to. In my experience, I was cool when anyone with pull in the social world approved of my actions and caused others to feel the same. I was uncool when the opposite occurred. Most of my decisions that synched up with being a good Christian would have been considered uncool--not drinking or smoking at parties, not having sex, not questioning my mother and father... you get the idea. At that stage in your life, it's pretty cool to be bad. I'm not stating an opinion, just the definition I learned through others' actions.

So, do we really want to apply this word to religion? Are our religious leaders so desperate for members that they're selling their god as an eager-to-please, rapping man in the sky? The truth is that most people who strive to do the right thing are pegged as boring, prudish, and even offensive.

Instead of cheapening religion, we should be preparing our youth to deal with the reality of the situation. If you choose to do the right thing, there's a good possibility that many people will laugh at you, ostracize you, or even try and hurt you. Most people in this "out for yourself" society couldn't get on board with that.

Have yourself a merry little holiday

I can understand that Christians are sad about the obligation many employees are under to wish people "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas." Sure, more people celebrate Christmas than they do other Winter holiday, but it seems like most employers encourage their employees to use a more all-encompassing term.

You, during your free time shopping, buying coffee, and watching TV, are free to wish people a Merry Christmas--unlike the workers with whom you're interacting. Be glad that you can wish it to others when they're unable to do the same, even if they may want to. Every time I'm out, I hear people respond to Happy Holidays with "same to you" instead of "Merry Christmas." Worse yet, some people don't respond at all. If it's what you want to say, why not say it instead of complaining about it in the car or at home. No one's forcing you not to say it.

People complain to everyone who will listen, and when one employee finally does say "Merry Christmas," that poor soul has to endure a pious lecture preceded by "Well I'm so glad to FINALLY hear that! *cue a time-wasting rant*

This is the season of giving, and yet everyone can't stop thinking about the greeting they want to receive. Indulge in your freedom and your love of Christmas. Be glad you can say it as much as you want, to whomever you want, no matter what they say to you, because you are free on your own time.

Music is my life

It's used so often, mostly by people who mean to say that songs move them. They react emotionally to music, and it often helps them through the day or makes a shower/car ride/dance club more pleasant. There's nothing wrong with this at all, and it describes most people's relationship with most of their music.

I've found that we all challenge our minds with different media and use other to "escape." Some of us read books so terrible that a more suitable vocation is kindling... and then devour a truly genius film. Others chortle through Dumb and Dumber and then spend the weekend breezing through Dostoevsky's novels in a weekend for the 3rd time. Sometimes it's a combination, or it depends on the mood. My point is that--while it's not quite as isolated as I'm making it out to be--I've found that people usually have one art form that they use to exercise their mind more often than others.

"Music is my life" seems like a phrase that is best used by those who challenge themselves with music. These people often forget about the concept of classification and embrace any sound that makes them think of something they hadn't before. It's a need that goes beyond emotion. We don't eat because starvation gives us the weepies. These people aren't devoid of emotion regarding music. They just don't feel the need to gush. True artists don't always realize they're making art. I think you can apply this to enthusiasts of something as well. It comes so naturally that gushing about it never occurs to them.

There's nothing wrong with being a music lover in one way or the other that I've described. I'm closer to the former than the latter. It's just a difference I've noticed, and frankly, the term's been thoroughly diluted thanks to facebook users.

*Insert safe question here*

The inability of humans to be satisfied and/or live in the moment comes through in the small talk with which we assault innocent people. We all endure a series of questions that plagues all people whose description is similar to ours. For example, I can guess what every heterosexual woman hears throughout her lifetime:

-->So, what do you plan to do after high school?

-->So what do you plan to do with your degree? And when do you graduate? *more general "how's school" questions"

-->So you've been dating __ years? When are you planning on making it official?

-->Congratulations! So when are you getting pregnant???

-->So, what have you been doing since your eggs went away?

-->Would you care for a black or brown casket?

Ok, maybe I made the last two up. Older people have it good in at least one respect: no one bothers them about the next stages of their lives that much. I suppose we have a need for small talk, but I'd prefer it if it was considered "acceptable" in mixed company to ask more interesting questions.

I'd like to ask people questions that my boyfriend asks me when we're bored, such as: "Would you rather fly or be invisible?" As tempting as invisibility is--easier to hide from small talk--I'd prefer to fly. I guess either of them would be good powers for escaping inane chatter, though.

Inviso-bird, awaaaaaaay!

Coffee

I used to force it down so that I could stay awake. Cokes didn't cut it. They made me feel very up for 10 minutes, and then completely hopeless, as if I would never be active again. Energy drinks, with their impossibly tall containers and threatening names and slogans, never appealed to me much. Who needs 60 ounces of what is essentially nourishment for a very busy hummingbird in their system? Not I, I think, since I love answering my own rhetorical questions.

So it started with a Granita when I was 15. My sister brought me to Caffe Cottage, now better known as a bar and venue than a place to have a quiet cup of joe. It was sweet and delicious, too sweet by my current standards. Most important, it perked me up for a good, long while.

That led me to the Starbucks by Barnes and Noble. This was when I started to notice how many people equated coffee and cafes with inspiration. And today, cafes are no longer places to congregate and be social. They're studying nooks and smooth-jazz caves for aspiring writers. I'll admit I'm writing this at a cafe. It's hard to help; the atmosphere is such a nice change--much better than the Student Union.

A Louisiana coffee company, Community, jumped on the complicated-espresso-drink bandwagon and created CC's (now Community Coffee Houses). Their frozen drink was the Mochasippi, and it was my regular for a long time--mostly plain ones, sometimes with vanilla mixed in.

Hot coffee was a fiscal decision at first. Blended drinks were expensive and not all that good for you either. It was a slow process. First I drank mostly mochas and flavored lattes--training wheels. One afternoon, I order a cafe au lait and added a single packet of turbinado sugar. The milk was all frothy on top. As I stirred, the little crystals sank into the froth, making the top this lovely caramel color.

That's what I'm drinking right now, and it's perfect. I feel completely awake.

Squirrels and relationships

I love eavesdropping. I can't even pretend not to.

Conversation to my left:

"I just don't like not being in a relationship. Because I like... don't like.... being... alone?"

"Oh, totally. So how's that guy--?"

"I don't know... I mean he's not a bad person, but...I don't know. I just don't wanna go to that party alone."

Not so bad, right? But my favorite part comes after I left to order my coffee and returned:

"Sometimes I'll see a run-over squirrel and be like 'oh, it sucks to be that squirrel' but then I'm like, it's just a squirrel, ya know? People die, like, every day."

--Which is completely true. When you think about the crimes against humanity that occur every day, a flattened rodent seems a lot less sad.

And now one of the girls is talking about how she doesn't like babies, and there was this one time when a baby drooled on her Harvard hoodie. She also doesn't like their oral fixations. OH, good, now the other one's talking about Freud!

Philosophy and Craps

This morning, I lost a coin on the floor of the College of Education building. As I searched, something hit me like a ton of bricks: It's impossible to find a coin on the pattern that they chose. The same goes for most of the buildings. It makes so much sense. They're just like casino floors--perfect camouflage for money and valuables. The cruel, complicated patterns encourage you to give up. "It's only a quarter.... it's only a 5$ chip."

Colleges are poor, and casinos are greedy. They both want your money, and they'll take advantage of butterfingers to get it.