Faith, Part I

I wrote a short essay-type thing a while back about the time when I abandoned Catholicism, and shortly after, Christianity. They were not abhorrent to me; I didn't become an atheist or even anti-religion. Any religious organization has its good and bad, and they all have good people in them who work hard at their faith and put their beliefs into action. My leaving was mostly out of respect. Questions that couldn't be answers, nagging doubts, and refusal to compromise left me with no option but to leave the titles behind for now, until I can devote myself fully. Until then, I'm simply a theist who believes in treating others kindly and doing your best to learn every day.

The title was "Shopping for God," because that's what my brief foray into new-religion-hunting felt like. With every article or chapter or website I read, I pictured myself walking down a produce aisle squeezing fruit. "Too firm, not firm enough, rotten..."

It's inconvenient to be in college and have a crisis of faith at the same time. It's so cliche. I don't want to come off as a pseudo-intellectual whose eyes were suddenly opened by a bunch of elbow-patched bearded guys. The truth is that my doubts came early, but my confidence to face them came late. Catholic schools can be like that. You're swept up in it--all the singing and swaying and "me-toos" in Theology class.

More later. I'm just summing myself up for the moment: A noncommittal, analytical bullshitter who tries to be kind.